We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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