Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
