Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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