Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
