so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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