you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
