Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
