I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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