But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
