my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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