All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
