I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
