So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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