hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
