Please, let me fuck your mom
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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