: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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