i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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