weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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