So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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