toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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