Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
