adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
