My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
