so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
