Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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