I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
