There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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