what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
