Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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