I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this will be a night to untag.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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