We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
