He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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