I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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