what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
