I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
