Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
