hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
