other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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