we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
40s are totally the cure
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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