did you get engaged???
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
