420 ftw
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
