We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
