Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
