Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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