would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
