You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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