I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
