clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
God, I missed his penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
