so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
