By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
