if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
